Greetings Robots.


Today is

Greetings- Salutations- Hello- Well good day- Hey what’s Phillip? [if your name’s Phillip, you will have a good day today]

Above are five different ways to greet another human, or non-human. Greetings are usually given when first seeing a person after not seeing them for a certain period of time. I suppose greetings are a way of telling the other person you acknowledge their presence or if it’s christmas time, their presents. Upon receival of a present, you may greet them, but should also thank them. “Thank you’s” include but are not limited to Thanks or Ohmygosh I have so much gratitude towards you or Scooby Doo Season four unlimited version, you shouldn’t have. If you give a person a present and they reply with you shouldn’t have, simply take it back and give it to yourself as an early birthday present. You still should act surprised and then thank yourself in whatever your favorite thank you is. Then go home and watch Scooby Doo Season four unlimited version while eating some cooked cookie dough a.k.a. a cookie. [a.k.a. stand for also known as just like ASAP stands for As soon as possible and ASAHP stands for As soon as Humanly Possible, to differentiate you are not dealing with a robots] I once dealt with a robot- her name was Rosie- we dealt in the 2004 celebrity charity poker tournament which was won by Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls. Rosie was a sick dealer, the cards flew out of her hand…at one point, she spelt out Lauren Graham’s initials in cards and everyone laughed…except me. I was concentrating massively hard on doing a throwing cards trick I learned during poker camp back in the 90’s. Rosie didn’t show too much emotion, which made Lauren laugh even more. It also made Matthew Perry laugh…and the woman behind me.

I got jealous of Rosie when she got all the laughs. I got jealous when Lauren Graham gave Rosie half of her winnings dollars. I got jealous Matthew Perry told Rosie he liked the crown she wore on her head made of lace. Rosie just rubbed me the wrong way- like when you rub a cat in the opposite direction of their fur. Rosie and I were good friends but after the poker tournament, I realized we need some time apart. I treated her like she was my own metal and oil [get it, like flesh and blood] not that I’m saying I’m a robot or anything [looks around nervously…dum Dum DUM] Below are some pictures of Rosie and I in the past few months.

This right after I found Rosie and fed her her first sip of coffee… She began spazzing out and transporting herself back and forth, back and forth. The caffeine was too strong for her small robot brain. She couldn’t even remain still long enough for a picture. It was really hilarious.

After hanging out with Rosie for a while, she started cleaning and, I mean, I wasn’t going to stop her.

That was the first time she revealed to the family her cleaning skills. It made the family accept the fact that I was hanging out a lot with a robot. Sure she was good to have around for a while…sure it was nice to have my teeth brushed and my hair done for me before I even woke up in the mornings…sure it was a great conversation starter at bars to talk about who she was and where she came from…But you know what they say [I do not know who “they” are] but they say, You can’t hang out with an alien robots for more than three months without things going haywire. One of the many quotes I have now learned to live by. Another quote I live by is I’d rather be safe than sorry. I say these quotes every morning when I awake [after Rosie puts on my clothes]. Below is the last time I saw Rosie.

Rosie gave me a present…from her inner workings, she pulled out a lace doily crown. I was so touched. I replied to her with “you shouldn’t have”. She took the lace crown, put it on her own head and said “happy early birthday me”. She looked genuinely surprised and this was the first time I ever saw her show real emotion. At this point, she jumped in her time machine and transported herself back to her home planet as I shouted “your birthday isn’t for another thousand years!!! NOT FOR ANOTHER THOUSAND YEARS!!!” I heard a distant mumble of her saying “Thanks a bunch”…Never heard from her again. I miss you Rosie. You were good to me. I miss watching Scooby Doo unlimited edition with you. If you are out there reading this…well, you have no capacity to read…but know I have fond memories of you. Goodbye.

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