Everything is better in Slow Mo.


Yesterday I ventured to Abel Cine Tech, a professional film and video sales and rental media house located on Greenwich street. It was nice to get out of the office and see fresh air for the commute there. A man named Mitch gave us a presentation on the Slow motion camera. Highlights of the trip included seeing a balloon burst in slow mo:

Then lighting a match in slow mo, and getting my hair blown in the wind in slow mo.

I’ve got a little poof going on with my hair in the picture. Other co-workers jumped in the air, shook their head, blew a bubble with gum. It was pretty darn cool. We will get the footage on a hard drive in a couple days. I got the 6:30 ferry home and went with Bridget to South Beach for a run. It was gorgeous outside and we saw a man catch a good-sized fish off a dock. I would say the run was successful besides the fact that my legs and stomach recently started getting really itchy when I run. I googled these symptoms to find a webpage labeled, “Embarrassing Running Problems”. “Itchy Legs” was number 7 on the list. I can’t repeat the other embarrassing problems because frankly, they are just too embarrassing.

The website basically said something about expanding capillaries and arteries that do so rapidly because of demand for more blood. If the person is fit, these capillaries remain open allowing good blood passage. When unfit and inactive, they usually collapse, only allowing minimal blood passage. Nerves next to the capillaries send impulses to the brain, resulting in an itch. The problem should go away once you have increased your fitness level.

Well that explains it. But then again, I did get this information from iAMnotAdoctorBUTgiveOUTmedicationILLEGALLY.com… no wait it was .org.

I ate this cupcake at work the other day.

I’d been craving a a red velvet cupcake for months now. I see them sitting on the shelf at Starbucks. I had a dream of one the other night. In the dream, the cupcake came alive to me and said, “Hi Becky.” I said, “How do you know my name?” and I threw it on the ground in slow mo and said, “I ain’t part of ya systemmm” Just like in the SNL digital short, Threw it on the Ground. Back to real life, I decided to pull a surgeon and sliced the cupcake in half.

Then I tried to eat the whole thing in one bite for funzies. I yelled for everyone in the hall to come watch me do it. When everyone gathered ’round [my friend/co-worker, a production assistant, and the janitor], I popped the cupcake into my mouth soon realizing it was humanly impossible. Like drinking a gallon of milk in under an hour, or eating seven saltine crackers in under a minute, or tying your shoelaces with chopsticks in thirty seconds. My mouth was full of cupcake and I turned my head away from the crowd. When I looked back, I made eye contact with the janitor. I saw hope in his eyes, I saw curiosity. I knew me eating this cupcake was the only thing getting him through the day, one day closer to seeing his family back in the homeland. I swallowed the cupcake full. I had done it. I jumped up and sprinted to the bathroom pushing past the onlookers, knocking down the janitor on my way. He fell, but landed in the rolling garbage can, sending him sailing down the hall. I found out later that day that he was fired. Turns out the janitor was trapped in the rolling garbage can and crashed through a steel door interrupting a meeting where the President of the company was discussing Snooki’s Poof with some executives. Goodbye Marcus. You were the best janitor I’ve ever encountered. [and I’ve encountered a lot of janitors in my years.]

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