I have fallen off Starbuck’s wagon once again and consumed a venti iced chai tea today. It put me in such a good mood. It’s funny how caffeine can do that to a person. It’s also funny how food can make humans fat. I like drinking chai tea every morning, but I’m certain that I will gain at least 40 pounds after a year’s time if consumed daily. Upon researching the nutritional value of chai tea, I discovered secrets behind food myths that I thought were true but weren’t; hence the word myth. I also came up with 10 tips on how to improve your daily intake of food.
1. Eat a granola bar every hour even if you’re not hungry. It has been scientifically proven that if you eat any kind of bar that contains granola, you will be healthier. [if not physically, mentally] One blog reader asked, “Should I wake up every hour during the night to eat a [granola] bar?” The answer, I told her, is yes. You will not succeed in life unless you are dedicated. You will not succeed in life if you sleep through it. You will not succeed in life if you don’t eat one granola bar every hour.
2. Substitute breadcrumbs for bread crumbs. Instead of using breadcrumbs, use bread crumbs.
3. Substitute Ice cream cake for any type of desert you eat. If you’re thinking of eating a cupcake, eat a bowl of ice cream cake. If you’re thinking of eating a waffle, eat a bowl of ice cream cake. If you’re thinking of eating one Hershey kiss, eat a bowl of ice cream cake.
4. Substitute Sugar for Salt and vice-versa. Instead of shaking salt atop your fries, shake sugar. They will taste like a fry-shaped Zeppoles. Instead of shaking sugar on your zeppole, shake salt. It will taste like zeppole-shaped fries. [Trust me on this one]
5. Honey is the only food that doesn’t spoil. Think about it.
6. Say the word “nutrition” before every meal. Think about it.
7. Make your own cotton candy. Cotton candy at sporting events is not only overpriced and small, but it has 46x times more calories than homemade cotton candy. Of course everyone knows homemade cotton candy does not hold the color, but will taste simply sugary. At home cotton candy makers are sold at http://www.cottoncandymakerathomeyeahgirl.com or at local Bed, Bath, and Beyonds.
7. Keep a food journal. Begin each entry saying, “My dear friend, diary…” continue by writing what you ate for the meal and finish by writing what you thought about when you ate the food. You should also write an entry after every granola bar you eat. Writing mid-sleep is possibly the most important thing to do because it won’t make sense and will be hilarious. Send those journal entries to my blog site for me to post.
8. Drink out of a straw. Whether drinking juice, soda, martinis, soup, lobster bisque, or lemonade, drink it through a straw. The only thing you should not drink through a straw is iced coffee. You should eat that with a spoon. You should also eat milkshakes with a spoon.
9. Tell your food you appreciate it. Whether it be a whisper or a shout, make sure your food hears you tell it you think it’s tasty, hot enough, or cold enough.
10. Go food shop at the Duane Reade, Walgreens, or CVS. Support your local stores. It will not really effect the healthiness of your eating, but it will earn me a better annual income because I own stock in two of the three.
FOOD IS DELICIOUS.