I returned from home last night to find this in the freezer:
Part of my nightly routine, is coming home from work, dropping everything on the floor, then running to the freezer to see if anyone loaded it with ice cream. Alas, last night someone had! I decided to use my detective skills to decipher who was the anti-culprit that did such a glorious thing. I took out my magnifying glass, along with my fingerprint duster and began the process. Ironically, I had worn a trench coat to work that day. I powdered the freezer’s door handle with little luck. No finger prints. I did, however, find a hoof print, which I am quite confused about. Next, I powdered the Ben & Jerry’s carton and BINGO, SHAZAM, MARTINA MCBRIDE, I saw a faint and faded print.
“Sister, will you come in here”, I yelled to my year-older-sister [YOS] who was grading her student’s papers in the dining room. “How can I help you, dear sister?”, she said to me. [she likes to pretend we are sisters from the movie Little Women] “Can I fingerprint you real quick?”, I queried from her. Before I could get out my ink pad she rolled her eyes, said, “You silly little girl” and left the room. I threw the red ink pad against the wall. It slid down leaving a trail of red ink then splattered a bit on the floor. The questions remained: Who was the anti-delinquent who went to the store and brought this carton of delicious angelic food for me? Why is my sister obsessed with Little Women? And what was a horse doing opening the freezer?
I made a bowl of ice cream to help me think things through.
I fell into a sugar slumber and passed out on the kitchen floor after the first bite. Three hours later, my mother entered the dark house [night had fallen] with groceries lining her arm. She flicked on the light in the kitchen, saw the red ink running down the wall, then saw me passed out, and thought I had been involved in a drug bust and was murdered. She screamed waking me up. I screamed. She screamed. Then I screamed again. We were freaking each other out. My mother dropped the groceries on the ground and out rolled a carton of Milky Way Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.
My sister walked in, dressed as “Jo” from Little Women, holding a baby horse. It was so cute, I almost cried. “You two are quite boastful, you’re going to wake my baby horse,” she said before turning and walking out.
“I think you misused the word boastful”, I told her.
My mother and I looked at each other, laughed and ate ice cream together.
EPILOGUE: My father returned home from work three hours later, walking to a darkened house. He flicked on the kitchen light [who keeps turning off the lights!] and gasped at the sight of the red ink on the wall and my mother, sister, baby horse, and I passed out on the floor. He thought we’d been involved with the illegal selling of baby horses on the black market and sought out. He screamed, waking us up. We screamed [the baby horse neighed]. He screamed. We screamed…..ok I think that’s enough.