I Cheated on Starbucks with Dunkin Donuts 2011 edition.


Close your eyes, Starbucks, what you’re about to see isn’t pretty.

Listen, it’s not you, it’s me. I just can’t afford you anymore. You don’t make me feel good about myself. You overpower for me. All I do is give give give and you just take take take. You’ll always have a place in my heart [more specifically the arteries in which you clogged with all that whole milk].


It was nice to be reunited with my first and former love, Dunkin Donuts.

I got off the bus this morning 30 city blocks before my stop because I arrived extremely early and saw a Dunkin Donuts conveniently located steps away from the stop. There is no Dunkin Donuts in close proximity to my work. I ordered a medium iced coffee with milk and sugar. It  only cost me $2.75, compared to up to $5 dollars for a tall [small] latte at Starbucks. I began to walk and immediately regretted many of my decisions because it was so cold out. The gloves I was wearing don’t cover my thumbs for some reason so they were nearly frostbitten. I was wearing old converse sneakers which lost their insulation months ago. My hood kept flapping back because it was windy. I slipped on black ice once, but didn’t fall. I tripped on a curb. I managed to get my ipod out the black hole that is a purse and had to untangle the headphones with my numb fingers while holding the iced coffee. I dropped the ipod. I was a hot mess- or should I say cold mess. HAHAHAHAH I crack myself up.

I got out my ipod with the intentions of listening to the song Life Is Beautiful by Vega 4. The ipod’s battery was in the red. I miraculously listened to the song once before it died. I cried when it died. The homeless women sitting on the street winked at me in condolence then said, “Penny for your thoughts”. I think it was a scam and she just wanted money so I said, “No thank you, kind woman”. She started crying too and said “That was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” I wanted to give her a hug, but feared her body was contaminated with dirt. I threw a penny at her and kept walking.

Here are the lyrics for the song I listened to.

This song was presented to me after going on my Kairos Retreat when I was a sophomore in college. [I have been out of college for a year and a half now]

And now for an IQ test that I made up.

A right handed person cut’s his/her food with his/her:
a. Right hand    b. Left hand    c. Both hands    d. Trick Question they cut their food with a knife

The correct answer is d.

A right handed person holds a knife to cut their food in his/her:
a. Right hand    b.Left hand    c. Both hand    d. This question is discriminatory against ambidextrous humans

The correct answer is d.

If you got both questions correct, please email me in private and I will send your IQ results.

 

I have just decided that in each of my blogs from now on, I am going to feature a blog reader. The first person I will feature is my good friend Barbie McPhearson. [NOTE: I will not use the real names of the people for security encryptment purposes]

Thanks for reading my blog, being a great friend, and enjoying the Mumford and Sons concert with me. I love you, man.

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4 thoughts on “I Cheated on Starbucks with Dunkin Donuts 2011 edition.

  1. I AM THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON ALIVE!!!!!!!!

    I LOVE THIS.

    I am saving this webage as a PDF and then setting it as my computer desktop background.

    I LOVE YOU the most though. Oh em gee!

    PS. When can we hang out. Or meet awkwardly on a street somewhere. And then I mug you.

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