The Last Straw


That’s it. You’ve had enough chances. That’s the last straw…

The joke above isn’t mine, but this man’s. [this is a message to all you haters who say I steal my jokes]

His name is Martin and he runs our floor’s graphics department. I snapped a photo of him arriving to work but forgot the camera was on “manual focus”, henceforth the picture’s blurriness. I didn’t take a second picture because he told me, “Take another picture and I’ll break your hands finger by finger.” His name is Martin only for the security purposes of this blog. He is the funniest guy on the floor, besides me. He won first place in our department’s “Comedic Rap Contest” [C.R.C.], first place in the “Funny Guy Poetry Slam” [F.G.P.S.], and second place in the “Hispanic Macho Man Bake-off” [H.M.M.B-O.]. The last one didn’t have anything to do with humor, but it is still impressive because he was raised by an inter-racial couple who were of Dutch and English origin. I didn’t enter these contests because I don’t want to make to make others feel “less than”.

My intention was to go into the coffee room to take pictures of the new coffee straws. [before today there were only wooden stirrers, which I was afraid would splinter off into my drink and puncture my trachea]  The new straws would allow me to have something to chew on after I was done sipping my drink. They brought of a twinge of happiness to my morning. Martin, being the curious fellow he is, asked me what I was doing? I informed him and he said, “You should say, ‘the last straw'”. I laughed. The rest is history. I wrote it down in the “history” book I am creating for future generations of elementary school children.

Martin’s the best. This time, I’m talking about the 1992 television series starring Martin Lawrence. Remember the time in that episode where Martin had a random misadventure with a friend or an enemy? Ok, the truth is, I never really saw the show but just looked up the summary on IMDB. I wanted to impress you.

I waited at the bus stop this morning for 20 minutes. My bus has been late these days. I would get to the stop later, but I fear the day I do, the bus will come early.

I’m reading David Sedaris’ Me Talk Pretty One Day. My sister is a third grade teacher and I saw this book on her shelf for the past year. I always thought it was the memoir of a teacher, or the memoir of a student, or a teacher’s book about how he overcame teaching a misbehaved child how to talk pretty one day. It’s really about the funny David Sedaris and his life. I am enjoying it so far.

I got off the bus and took more pictures.

I pretend I’m a tourist when I walk around with my camera and backpack asking people where things are. “Excuse Mr., Vhere is ze nearest Red Lobster?”

 

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3 thoughts on “The Last Straw

  1. That’s my favorite book by D.S.

    “Good luck beating the rape charge”.

    I hate Martin Lawrence. Martin, if you read that, I hate you.

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