Gloria’s Beauty Tips


Today I would like to introduce you to an old friend of mine, Gloria Ladner. She is a retired talk show host who recently overcame a crippling depression.

5 Things You Didn’t Know About Gloria:

1. Gloria has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and has to run up every sets of stairs. If she doesn’t, she thinks someone will break into her house.
2. Gloria has donated nearly 1/16th of her inheritance to charities such as “The National Center for Visually Sharp Rats with OCD”, “The American Kidney Bean Foundation”, “National Center to Prevent Flat Tires”, “The Center for Victims of Exploding Pens”, and “The Global Fund For Goats with Anorexia”.
3. At the age of three, Gloria interrupted a Broadway show in the first Act. She ran up on stage and recited a one woman monologue from the 1952 Western, “High Noon”.
4. Her favorite past time is playing footsie.
5.  At night time, Gloria walks around with a lantern.

Today, she posted a video of beauty tips you can use to boost your confidence!! Watch below:


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8 thoughts on “Gloria’s Beauty Tips

    • Hahaha. Well, although the self-flirtation tips are not guaranteed to actually work, I want to make sure your confidence is, in fact boosted.

      Gloria is living in my basement for another week, so tell me your questions and I will relay them to her IMMEDIATELY!!!

      • Ok, you asked!
        ____________

        Dear Gloria,

        I am a fan of your work and noble giving endeavors. What I am really wanting to know is, what is your training/exercise program like, besides starvation? I hope you have not resorted to starvation now that you are in the limelight again.

        Just another person touched by you gloriousness,

        Alison Wonderland

  1. You are quite funny. Here is Gloria’s response:

    “It is so wonderful, especially in today’s society, to find someone like you to compliment me as you did. I am grateful that you acknowledge how great of a person I am. I truly care about others; especially those goats with anorexia.

    I do believe starvation is the most effective method of keeping myself slender. However, legally, I cannot suggest others use it. The second best method is weight training and eating donuts [with sprinkles]. Wake up around 12pm, roll out of bed, and begin stretching. Stretch your calfs [your legs, not your baby cows]. Stretch for the entire day. Stretching is key.

    You know, Initially I did resort to starvation, but my butler Silvio convinced me to eat.

    I heard the daily flirtation exercise didn’t work for you. I suggest persisting with the flirtation for another week. Don’t to comment on your eyebrows and also tell yourself you look like a younger version of “insert person”.

    Good Luck Alison Wonderland- and remember, “Dress to Impress.

    -Gloria”

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