I went to Washington DC this weekend for my cousin Blair’s graduation. She graduated from Catholic University. She was not the valedictorian. Not that it matters or anything. Blair is the youngest of our 12 cousins. She is the last one to graduate as an undergrad. I am very proud of her.
The family sat in white folding chairs as we listened for Blair’s name to be called. Then it was called out.
Weeks ago I arranged for a helicopter to drop me from the sky when her name was called.
It was awesome. I surprised everyone by falling from the sky. I had told them I had to work and wouldn’t be in attendance. The only two issues were I injured my wrist mid-air and Blair didn’t even see me fall. I also landed on her roommate’s grandmother which I felt bad about.
As they were reading the rest of the graduate’s names, I invited my cousin Mary Kate to the back lawn to sit in a chair. I showed her my new magical power. I just found out I come from a family of witches. My parents waited to reveal this fact to me until I was 23 years old when I got my active power. I can make lightning emanate from my palms. At the moment, the lightning has no effect. However, they are ascetically pleasing to look at and a great conversation starter. I aimed both hands at Mary Kate, but one of my lightning bolts hit a guy who was walking by! How embarrassing. He rolled his eyes and kept walking. I really need to practice more.
I stuck Mary Kate with lightning a second time. One bolt struck her hair. One struck her big toe. I was aiming for her kneecaps! She said it tickled a bit. I said her hair looked frizzier. My aim will get better in time.
Mary Kate started to get impatient. The third time I struck her, she stood up and said, “Ok, now it’s just getting annoying”. She put her purse over her shoulder so I knew she was serious. I started to get nervous laughter. The bolts changed colors. I guess it the bolt-color is connected to my moods.
Mary Kate revealed to me she has an active power as well. [see below]
I stared at her for an hour as she disappeared and reappeared over and over. I’m not jealous about her power at all. Just kidding, I am jealous.
The ceremony soon ended and I turned around to see my sister doing her daily pushups.