I Lost My Work ID AGAIN


I’m frustrated. I lost my work ID and have to pay $10 for a replacement. The first time you lose it, the charge is waived. However, this is my second time losing it. Now I have to pay.

I wasn’t surprised that I lost my ID. My purse is disorganized and filled with crumpled receipts, post-it notes, and a piece of paper with lyrics to a break up song that I wrote myself. My co-worker suggested I get through my breakup [Cottage Cheese and I ended things] by writing my sad feelings through song. My favorite lyric I composed is, “thinking of you makes my heart burn”. Cottage Cheese used to give me the worst heart burn.

When I leave work for the day, I hastily throw the ID into my purse. It takes too much effort to take out my Dakine wallet [which is long, comparatively to the width of an uncooked hot dog] and place the ID in the proper slot. I ride the ferry home. I envision myself running towards the ferry terminal, doors closing, missing the boat by a minute. “If only I didn’t put away my ID, I would have made the boat,” I think as I shake my fist in the air, “Now I’ll be late for taco night.”

When I drop the ID into the purse, I consider my future self. “My future self will be so mad at my present self,” I think as I picture my future self rifling through and dumping out the contents of my purse searching for the ID. Future self’s feeling are outweighed by my need for instant gratification.

The only thing I religiously put back in my wallet is my metro card. I put money on the card weekly. It grants me access to ride the subway and bus. If I don’t have my work ID, I can borrow my co-worker’s for short periods of time to enter different floors. If I don’t have my metro card, I can’t get to work. Bribing a bus driver, even with food, is illegal. I have  been warned.

I’m not mad at myself for losing the card. I’m suprised I didn’t lose it sooner. I’m just mad that I have to waste $10 dollars. I had to sell one of my eggs to get that money. I sell chicken eggs on the corner of my street.

The card itself is not worth $10. It is a piece of flimsy plastic with a few drops of ink. The security lady didn’t even have to re-take my picture. I look HOT in the one I have. The company slaps on the charge so people have an incentive not to lose their card.

I found ten dollars in the side pocket of my purse next to some stray bobby pins. I held the money in my hand and kissed it. I then thought of how dirty money is. I washed my lips in the bathroom sink.

I now have a new ID. It is shiny. I am ten dollars poorer. Here is a list of things I could have done with the ten dollars had I not wasted it on a new ID.

What I Could Have Spent My Ten Dollars On

1. 3 Medium Iced Coffees from Dunkin Donuts
2. 7 and a half ITUNES songs
3. 10 of anything from the dollar store
4. 20 of anything from the .50 cent store
5. Nothing from Dress Barn [personal preference]
6. 2 pairs of sunglasses from Target
7. A chicken cutlet sandwich and a Snapple Iced Tea from the gourmet deli by my house
8. A plastic hook hand for next year’s Halloween costume
9. 300 stray bobby pins
10. A fancy cup of lemonade
11. Bucket of Candy Corn
12. A Decorative Seashell from the Jersey Shore
14. A date with a Forensically Trained Mermaid [FTM]

It would have been so delicious to eat the bucket of candy corn. Think of all the different hairstyles I could have rocked with those 300 stray bobby pins. From now on, I am going to put my ID card away in the proper wallet slot. I never want to waste that 10 dollars again. Hopefully I will miss the ferry tonight and meet that forensically trained mermaid.

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