It was just after 3:45pm on Monday afternoon, the first day of the work week, when I swiveled around in the chair in my cubicle. I was there working. I’m a Production Assistant at a television corporation in New York City. “Can I interview you for my blog?” I called to my cubicle-mate Jenny who sits 15 feet diagonally away from me. Back-turned, looking at her computer, she said, “Sure.”
This is Jenny. In real life there is only 1 of her. In the virtual world of photoshop, there are three.
The first set of interview questions were sent to Jenny, who works in our post-production facility, via email. I did not want to portray myself to her as a burden. Therefore, I made the subject of the email, “to get you started…do what you can…we can finish tomorrow”. The less pressure I put on Jenny, the more she would like me at the end of the day.
Twelve minutes later: I saw a new email in my inbox. Jenny’s responses. I had a sense of suspicion because she completed them so quickly. I skimmed through her answers. Not only were they written in Old English, but they were voiced in the character of “Tiny Tim” from Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. I wasn’t sure why she did this. I swiveled around in my chair. “Actually, would you mind answering these questions in your own voice, as yourself?” I asked. “Ohhh ok,” she said. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted my voice of Tiny Tim’s, so I chose Tiny Tim’s.”
“That’s bizarre,” I thought.
Below are Jenny’s own-voiced answers. The questions and my responses are in bolded font. Check them out!
B: How are you doing at the moment?
J: I’m doing as well as expected for a Monday.
B: Describe the shoes you are wearing in three words.
J: Toe cleavage, suede, fringe.
B: Where were you born? What is the first memory you have of the place you were born in?
J: Chicago, IL at St. Joseph’s hospital on Lake Shore Dr. during a snowstorm. I don’t have memories dating that far back.
B: I think you may have misunderstood the question. I don’t mean memories from the actual hospital, I mean childhood memories from Chicago. Moving on.
B: What was your first tax-paying job? Are you still friends with any of your co-workers? What was the first name of your boss?
J: At 15, I worked at the Discovery Zone, which was similar to Chuck E. Cheese, but half as cool.
B: I know what Discovery Zone is.
J: I was the jungle gym supervisor, a position that entailed cleaning up kid’s accidents – it was so exciting too since we were rewarded with packets of lemonade, which made me love my humorless bosses – the cheapest couple, ever. Instead of giving their employees leftover food from the concession stands, they would throw it away.
B: That’s horrible. All that food gone to waste.
J: They were ass*****. I am not friends with them nor any of my former co-workers.
B: Please refrain from cursing in my blog.
B: Have you ever saw a Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen video? If so, recall for us which one and what it was about. If not, would you rather have the name Mary Kate, or Ashley?
J: I’ve only seen “Pizza Party” in slow-mo.
B: For eternity, would you rather watch a stream of Harry Potter movies? Or Twilight movies?
J: I have never seen a Harry Potter movie nor have I read any of the books so by default I would say Twilight movies – Also , the creepy older lady in me finds Robert Pattinson attractive. Go team Edward!
B: I’m Team Edward too. By the way, does the creepy older lady in you talk to you and tell you to sabotage things?
J: No comment.
B: Have you ever won any kind of contest? If so, what did you win and what did you have to do to win it?
J: The first contest I ever won was when I was 11. B96 – a popular Top 40 station was giving away tickets to see Timmy T/Gerardo (Rico Suave)/Kathy Dennis at the Park West in Chicago. All I had to do was be speedy fingers and dial the station to be the 9th caller.
B: Did anything in your life ever run out of batteries when you needed it the most? How did you accommodate?
B: Ok, Then.
B: Give us a description of any dream you’ve ever had.
J: I never remember dreams, I forget them 30 min to an hour after I wake up. I suppose the only thing I can say about my dreams is that I can NEVER run and food tastes like chemicals.
B: What is your opinion about the tourists in Times Square?
J: Most of the time, I want to cut them all, then I do a 180 and remind myself that these people are super psyched to be in NYC and they’ve traveled here to see the awesomeness that I see, every day. Though sometimes I really want to yell out:
2. Don’t stop in the middle of the f*****g sidewalk.
3. Step aside if you are going to look at the signs.
4. GET OUT OF THE WAY!
5. It’s JUST a naked fucking cowboy.
6. MOVE!I realize I am being redundant, but I don’t care. I want to get my point across.
B: If you could pick one person in your cubicle to marry, whom would you choose? Reminder, gay marriage is now legal in New York.
J: You. Duh. Though that is not my official answer because it may cause you to obsess and I don’t want to be a dream crusher.
B: Isn’t it always the case where you want exactly what you can’t have.
J: You’re creeping me out Playa.
B: What is the most beautiful place in the world you’ve travelled?
J: Amed, Indonesia.
B: In your travel experience, has a chained-up baby monkey, ever tried to steal your bracelet?
B: Summer or winter?
J: Summer – though you wouldn’t know it because I am lil b**** when it comes to really hot weather.
B: You cursed again.
B: Hansel or Gretel?
J: I don’t care.
B: Well, I guess they’ll both get eaten alive then.
I’m going to post this entry then listen to her reaction because she sits 15 feet away from me diagonally.