I’m A Loser


I felt lucky this morning so I brought a “WIN FOR LIFE” lotto ticket with my 7-Eleven coffee.

With the ticket, I had the possibility of winning $1,000 dollars a week for life.

With $1,000 a week, I would be able to upgrade Netflix’s 8 DVD/Unlimited Streaming/$43.99-a-month package. I would not be able to quit my job, buy a Rolls Royce, or build a mansion with a slide connecting my bedroom to the pool.

I felt lucky today for three reasons.

1) St. Patrick’s day is this weekend. The holiday overflows with good fortune. I thought perhaps a drop of the good fortune arrived two days early.

2) I dreamt of a leprechaun last night. In the dream, the little man placed a gold coin under my pillow. It was the size of a pizza bagel. I awoke from the dream and looked under the pillow. I found a sock and a crumpled tissue.

3) I was walking down 42nd street in New York City, the “City of Dreams”. I work in Times Square. I saw tourists and workers alike brimming with the potential of successful futures. People come to New York City to fulfill their dreams. “I want to dance on Broadway,” I heard a man shout. A tear of happiness formed in my eye. The man’s dream was coming true. He was dancing on the street.

I wanted to wait to scratch off the ticket. I did not want to rush. I wanted to focus and enjoy the win. It’s like the way my mother doesn’t like to order her Starbuck’s Frappuccino right before she goes shopping. Shopping pulls her attention in different directions. She likes to order the drink at a time where she can sit and enjoy the taste.

I took off my coat and sat at my desk. I opened my work email. I took the ticket out of my coat pocket and put it on my desk. I opened my computer’s PhotoBooth. I switched it to “video mode” and hit the “Record” button. I wanted to video tape my reaction to winning the lottery. The video would be great to show people and would definitely go viral on YouTube.

I held up the ticket.

I scratched off “Game 1”. In Game 1, “If ‘YOUR SCORE’ beats ‘THEIR SCORE”, win prize in box.”

I won $2 twice.

Earnings equaling $4.

I looked at “Game 2”. This is where I was going to win big. In Game 2, match 3 like prize amounts, win that amount. Match the word “LIFE” 3 times and win $1,000 A WEEK FOR LIFE!”

I scratched off game two revealing, “$5.00, LIFE, $100, $10.00, $100, $40.00”.

I didn’t have any matches.

I did not win for life.

I tossed my ticket behind me.

I ripped a piece of paper in half because I was so mad I didn’t win.

I poured water on my head to cool down my temper.

I am mad at St. Patrick. I resent that leprechaun who left a sock under my pillow. I hope no one in New York City ever achieves their dreams.

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2 thoughts on “I’m A Loser

  1. Ha! Ha! I’m sorry to laugh at your misfortune but that ending paragraph cracked me up. Maybe you misread the signs though, maybe that Leprechaun signifies you will get lucky tomorrow…try…try again.

  2. I can so relate. Unfortunately, I’ve taken it a step further. I have an excel spreadsheet showing where all the money will go when I win the lottery. If I win, I’ll send you $1,000 a week. : )

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