VINTAGE STORE FEARS

I met my friend Tom in midtown Manhattan this morning at Speedy’s cafe. To plan our monthly comedy variety show. Called Major Babe Time. The cafe could be called Speedy’s because the quick food service. Or because maybe the place is owned by Speedy Gonzalez. The tiny cartoon mouse known for being “The fastest mouse in all of Mexico.” During […]

Men Who Laugh, Dance, and Jump

I sat in my parked car yesterday morning, waiting for my father and sister to come out of the Meals on Wheels building. My father has been volunteering at Meals on Wheels one a week for 7 years. He delivers hot and cold meals to the incapable. I like to brag about his charitability. It […]

Specific Details on How I Burnt My Toast

I made myself lunch this past weekend; two eggs over medium with a piece of toasted, buttered potato bread. This meal is very familiar to me. It takes less than ten minutes to prepare and is one of the three meals I know how to cook. The other two meals I can cook are chicken cutlets […]

My Hidden Relationship

I’d like to introduce everyone to my girlfriend…Her name is Cottage Cheese. She likes cold temperatures and is a little chunky. She’s not a good listener because she has no ears. I hid our relationship out of fear. I thought I’d be judged. Cottage Cheese doesn’t care if she is judged because she can’t perceive […]

Thanksgiving Break 2010

Hello Blog Reader. How are you? More importantly, who are you? Here are some pictures/updates from my Thanksgiving Break: Hanging out with 88 year old, Aunt Annie. Aunt Annie is my mother’s, father’s, sister…aka, my great Aunt. She sure is great with all the food she cooked for us to eat that could have fed […]

AMAZING Crab Dip Recipe!

Here is a the recipe for an amazing salty, crabby, and cream cheesey crab dip, my favorite food. [serves up to 10 people]: Ingredients: 4 8oz. cartons of cream cheese 2 heaping tbsp mayonnaise 2 tbsp Dijon mustard 3 dashes of worcestershire sauce 2 cans of crab meat Directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Soften the creamcheese […]

Remember the show Catdog?

Remember that show “Catdog”? What a weird show. It “depicts the life of conjoined brothers, with one half being a cat and the other a dog” according to wikipedia. Cat is smart. Dog is stupid. How stereotypical. I hope the Dog Foundation of Dogs Everywhere (DFODE) took action to stand up to this degrading portrayal. […]

10 Healthy Tips for Eating.

I have fallen off Starbuck’s wagon once again and consumed a venti iced chai tea today. It put me in such a good mood. It’s funny how caffeine can do that to a person. It’s also funny how food can make humans fat. I like drinking chai tea every morning, but I’m certain that I […]

Visitors and Visits.

I asked tourists to take my picture this morning. It was a man and a woman tourist from Italy. There place of origin is simply an educated guess- and it’s probably correct, considering I have over 18 years of education under my belt. You can’t see the belt in the picture, my jacket is covering […]